[토플 D-81] ChatGPT가 내주는 Writing 문제 풀어보기 2

 

 

 

 

 

지피티랑 같이 라이팅 문제를 몇 개 더 풀어봤어요.

기본 글쓰기 구조 같은 건 어렵지 않은데 뭔가 최고득점을 위한 한끗 뉘앙스 살리기가 너무 어려움..

영어스럽게 생각해야 하는데 자꾸 한국어>영어로 번역해서 쓰려고 하는 듯.

문장 단위 암기밖에는 방법이 없다 이건 ㅠㅠ

 

 

 

예시문제 3 - Independent Writing

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

내 답변

I agree with the statement which says people should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy. There are two reasons of this, one is about money, and the other one is about happiness.

Simply, we need to work or study for living. Working is not that fun or joyful for most of people. But we have to work and do our responsibility as a part of the society. We can get food to eat and house to live in. Sometimes it also can be who we are and why we live.

Furthermore, there is more important reason why we do things that don't feel completely happy. Humans can dream about their future and make some goals. Dream can be the reason of living and help us make a leap for the next step in our lives. The process could be painful, but it will end up giving us happiness as a piece of the future us, who are wiser.

Overall, doing things which are not enjoyable is mostly for the joy that comes at last. We bear to do it to get something we really want, and I believe that it makes the result more precious. That why I think we should be able to do the things even though it doesn't make us happy for now.

 

첨삭

🧠 TOEFL 채점 기준별 분석

1. 내용 / 논리 (Content & Development) → 4.0점

• "왜 해야 하는가"에 대해 명확한 논리 + 현실적인 예시 들어갔고
• 꿈, 목표, 미래 행복까지 연결한 게 너무 좋았어.
• 다만 두 번째 본론이 조금 추상적이고 감성적이라
  → 조금만 더 구체적인 예시 있으면 더 강력해질 수 있었음!

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2. 조직력 (Organization) → 3.5 ~ 4.0점

• 서론 - 본론1 - 본론2 - 결론 구조는 완벽해!
• 단락 구분도 좋고, 흐름도 자연스러웠어.
• 하지만 문장 연결어 표현이 조금 어색하거나 생략된 부분이 있었음
  (예: “There are two reasons of this” → 자연스럽지 않음)

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3. 언어 사용 (Language Use) → 3.5점

• 문법 오류 몇 개 있었지만 의미 전달에는 큰 지장 없음!
• 다만 어색한 표현/구문이 반복됨:
  • “reasons of this” → “reasons for this”
  • “who are wiser” → “who is wiser” or better: “a wiser version of ourselves”
  • “That why I think...” → “That’s why...”
• 문장 구조가 전반적으로 간단한 편이라, 조금 더 다양한 문장 형태가 들어가면 좋아.

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🎯 예상 점수: 4.0 / 5.0

실제 TOEFL Writing 점수로는 약 24~25점 수준!

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👍 강점

• 진심 어린 주제 이해 + 인생관이 분명함
• 논리 구조 좋고, 현실과 연결 잘 됨

🔧 보완점

• 어휘 다양성 + 문장 구조 → 조금만 더 업그레이드
• 추상적 문장을 구체적 예시로 치환하면 더 강력해짐

 

첨삭 답변

I agree with the statement that people should sometimes do things they do not enjoy. I believe this for two main reasons: one related to survival, and the other related to long-term happiness.

First of all, we often need to work or study in order to live. For most people, working is not always fun or exciting. However, we have to fulfill our responsibilities as members of society. Through work, we earn money to buy food, pay rent, and support ourselves. In some cases, our job even becomes part of our identity and purpose.

Secondly, there are times when we must go through difficult or unenjoyable experiences to reach our goals. People dream about their future and set goals that give meaning to their lives. The process of achieving those goals may be hard, but the outcome brings us happiness and personal growth. That difficult journey is often what makes the result more valuable.

In conclusion, doing things we don't enjoy is sometimes necessary. It helps us survive, grow, and reach a better version of ourselves. That is why I believe people should be willing to do such things, even if they are not pleasant in the moment.

 

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예시문제 4 - Independent Writing

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to grow up in a small town than in a big city.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

내 답변

I think that there is no 'better' one in growing up in a small town or in a big city. I've lived in both of them, and personally, I prefer the big cities. But I could never deny that living in a small countryside town when I was little.

The reason I live in a big city now is not because I love the city, it is that I can't stand living in the small and private house in countryside. When I was a little kid, my family moved to the small town that doesn't even have bus stop in it. I had to scream everyday when I found all those various bugs and animals. Plus, in these days, only the old people are there. If you have to grow up there, you will definitely get limited chance to make friends in your age.

But I would not say that living in a small town was the worst experience in my life. I believe that it gave so much varieties to my childhood. I remember that I sled down the mountain behind the house, eating some baked rice ball made by my dad, and get a wooden handmade swing in the front yard as a birthday present. These were all possible in my house which is very precious because you have to pay money, put much time and effort if you would do it in the cities.

This is why I cannot say which one is better. But I think living in both could give the children good childhood experience. It just depends on if they hate bugs or not!

 

 

첨삭

📊 TOEFL 채점 기준 분석

1. 내용 / 논리 (Content & Development) → 4.0점

• 실제 경험이 녹아들어 있어서 완전 자연스러움!
• “시골의 폐쇄성 + 도시의 편리함”이라는 두 공간의 특성과 감정을 솔직하게 전달함
• 결론도 "경험이 중요하다"는 점에서 설득력 있음
• 다만 표현이 부정확해서 핵심 전달이 약간 흐릿해지는 부분 있음 (→ 아래 수정!)

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2. 조직력 / 구조 (Organization) → 3.5 ~ 4.0점

• 구조는 자연스럽고 무리 없음
  • 서론 (입장 불명확하지만 흥미 있음)
  • 본론 1: 도시 선택 이유
  • 본론 2: 시골의 장점
  • 결론: 양쪽 다 좋음
• 다만 도시를 좋아한다고 했는데 본문엔 싫어하는 이유만 나옴
  → 의견 중심이 약간 흐려지는 느낌

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3. 언어 사용 (Language Use) → 3.5점

• 감정은 잘 담겼는데 표현 오류 여러 개 있음:
  • “the small and private house in countryside” → 어색함
  • “scream everyday” → 문맥상 자연스럽지 않음
  • “so much varieties” → variety는 불가산 → “so much variety” or “so many experiences”
  • “get a wooden handmade swing” → “received”가 자연스러움
• 귀여운 영어 스타일이긴 한데, 고득점에는 살짝 걸림돌 됨

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🎯 예상 점수: 4.0 / 5.0 → 약 24~25점

너 지금도 진짜 자연스럽고 공감 가는 글 쓰는 사람이야!
그렇다고 단순히 “귀엽고 재밌는 글”이 아니라
진짜 현실 기반에 공감되는 구조가 있어.

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🔧 다음 단계 팁

• 표현을 조금 더 ‘시험 스타일’로 다듬는 연습하기
• 추억 이야기 중에 분석적 마무리 한 줄 추가하면 더 고급 느낌!
  • (예: “This shows how environment can shape the way we play, connect, and grow.”)

 

첨삭 버전

I believe there is no clear answer to whether it is better to grow up in a small town or in a big city. I’ve experienced both, and while I personally prefer big cities now, I can’t deny the value of having grown up in the countryside.

I currently live in a big city not because I love urban life, but because I can’t tolerate the isolation of the countryside. As a child, I lived in a rural town that didn’t even have a bus stop. I used to scream whenever I saw all kinds of bugs and animals. Moreover, rural areas are often populated only by elderly people, so it's harder for children to make friends their own age.

That said, living in a small town was far from the worst experience. It actually made my childhood unique. I remember sledding down the mountain behind our house, eating baked rice balls made by my dad, and getting a handmade wooden swing for my birthday. These memories are very special, and they would have been much harder to create in a city, where everything requires money, time, and effort.

For these reasons, I can’t say one is better than the other. Living in both environments offers valuable experiences. In the end, it might just depend on whether a kid likes bugs or not!